Pull up the minivan, Mom. Let’s load up for the beach! Sunblock? Check. Novel? Check. Beach hat? Mais oui! Glamour shades for spying on boys? Ohhh, yeah! Then there’s the beat box, the water bottle ... can I use the back seat, too? Let’s see: I’ve got my towel in my beach bag; you won’t let me have a cell phone, which I really, really need, but at least I’ve got a camera. Ahhh, summer! I can finally relax from all the stress of third grade! Where are you going to put your stuff, Mom?
Proper equipment is essential for the seaside explorer. You never know what discoveries you will make at the beach! Goggles are a must, of course; the better to see exotic aquatic wildlife. The breathing tube is good entertainment, when the only underwater species on view is your stupid sister. Fins work great to make your mother laugh when you walk, and you’ll be glad you have them if you want to get up close to whales. Water wings? You don’t really need them, of course, because you’re a big boy. But did you know that they scare off sharks?