Hi Everyone,
I'm the author of a new parenting book from Broadway Books (Random House) called CAN I HAVE A CELL PHONE FOR HANUKKAH? It's getting great reviews and is being embraced by Jewish and non-Jewish readers alike. I thought you might like this excerpt from my chapter called "Countdown to Kindergarten".
The Kindergarten Readiness Shpilkes
To those unfamiliar with the Kindergarten Readiness Shpilkes, you may be wondering why on earth anyone would waste time worrying about whether or not their kid is ready for kindergarten. I mean it's kindergarten for heaven's sake! But if you are a parent, you probably know what I'm talking about. The story goes something like this…
Once upon a time there was a whimsical land of make-believe, dress-up and fingerpainting. A magical place where "work" was a four letter word, "elemenopee" was still one letter and you couldn't spot a math fact for miles. They called it Kindergarten.
One dark day (after the royal superintendent concluded that Kindergarten's whimsical ways were partially to blame for the kingdom's lackluster standardized test scores) everything changed. Stuffed animals and dollhouses were replaced with math manipulatives and spelling tests. Wooden blocks and Play-Doh gave way to rigorous core curriculums and palace mandated standards.
Once word got out about Kindergarten's abrupt metamorphosis, the parents of the kingdom started to worry that it would take more than five candles on a birthday cake to prepare their children to enter this playroom turned pressure cooker. In fact some decided it would take at least six candles!
Now the royal superintendent had a whole new problem on his hands - with so many children entering Kindergarten at age six, he needed to up the difficulty level. So he did. Now the parents were even more worried, especially in the case of boys whose birthdays fell precariously close to the cut-off date. And that's how the kindergarten readiness shpilkes came to be.
(By the way, if you're wondering what happened to that once carefree land of dress-up and make-believe, it now has a new name. They call it preschool.)
Having managed to deliver all four of my kids a stone's throw from the illustrious school cut-off date, I'm a member in good standing of the "Late Birthday" Parents Club. So you know I speak from experience when I tell you that the worrying kicks in the instant the ultrasound technician assigns our baby a spring/summer due date (or fall/winter depending on your local kindergarten entry cut-off date). Double the worry if the ultrasound technician also reveals our baby to be a boy. We then proceed to fret for the next five years. One minute we are all but certain our kid will be able to handle the demands of the modern kindergarten curriculum ( a.k.a. the former first grade curriculum) despite being a "young" five; and the next we are convinced that if we don't give him the "gift" of an extra year we'll hopelessly doom his academic career. But even a final verdict can't free us from our misery, as every academic or social glitch our child experiences over the next twelve years will leave us wondering whether it could have been prevented had we only made a different choice about kindergarten.
The Real Scoop on Retention
So you're ready for the bottom line, huh? You want to know if it's better to delay or not to delay kindergarten entry for late birthday children. Unfortunately, as of press time, it still has no answer.
And it's certainly not for lack of trying. Mounds of research have been collected in hopes of revealing the real scoop on retention, only to conclude that there is no scoop. Dr. Lorrie Shepard, for example, a professor of research methodology at the University of Colorado at Boulder, reviewed sixteen studies on the long-term effects of delaying kindergarten and found there to be no significant difference between kids who had been retained and those who hadn't.
In fact, just about the only decisive result that's emerged from the retention research at all, is that roughly15% of children entering kindergarten nationwide have been held back. And that the vast majority of these late starters are Caucasian, male, born in the second half of the year, and come from rather affluent homes (Zill, Spencer-Loomis, & West, 1997, West et al, 2000).
The lack of conclusive evidence, however, hardly implies kids can't profoundly benefit from an extra year. (Many do.) Or be hindered by one. (Some are.) In fact the ambiguous evidence likely results from a relatively even matching between the pros and cons of delaying kindergarten. Take the example of Ben and Josh, two boys I taught as second graders, who had exactly the same birthday (August 15); had been retained for presumably the same reason (poor fine motor skills); yet saw very different outcomes from their extra year.
By the time Ben arrived in my class at the age of seven (his birthday was the first day of school), he was at the top of his game. That extra year of Pre-K had been just what the doctor ordered. Ben had kicked off kindergarten cutting and coloring with the best of them; hardly struggling writing in his daily journal or doing other seatwork. Ben emerged from kindergarten confident, proud and positive about school and remained on that track for the long haul.
Josh was a different story, as round two of Pre-K scarcely made a dent in his list of fine motor issues. Josh, it turns out, would need far more than 365 extra days to clean up his coloring act – he would need years of occupational therapy (only complicated by his being shut out of a prime early intervention window while his parents and teachers eagerly waited for that extra year to work its "magic"). Making matters worse, Josh had been intellectually ready for kindergarten at age five. He was an introspective child who lapped up learning. Because the repetition of the Pre-K curriculum left Josh bored and frustrated, he started acting out in class – ultimately being labeled as a behavior problem. By the time I met Josh in second grade, he'd already decided he hated school.
What we learn from Ben and Josh is that there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all answer to the kindergarten dilemma. We owe it to our kids to shy away from blanket assumptions about age, gender and readiness. To take the time to make a careful, thoughtful choice based on their individual academic, social and emotional profiles in combination with the pace, expectations and philosophy of the school they will be attending. Don't try to make this decision alone. Consultation with teachers and pediatricians, as well as private educational testing, can help you determine whether retention is a good choice for your child.
In the end what matters most is that you believe in the direction you've chosen for your child and remain strong enough in your resolve not to second guess your decision. Sure you'll encounter some rough spots along the way, but chances are that your child will be just fine – retention or not - as long as you and the school are there to guide and support him throughout his journey.
Parent 911
For Solving the Kindergarten Dilemma
Trust his preschool teacher. Educators see your child daily in a classroom setting and can compare his degree of readiness to that of other children his age, so it's important to take their input seriously.
Delay making the decision as long as you possibly can. Preschoolers can change enormously during the course of year. A child who doesn't seem ready in January may be raring to go by May.
Think beyond kindergarten. While a six year old may have a seemingly sizeable advantage over a five-year old classmate when it comes to forming letters or sounding out words, this discrepancy is likely to be short lived. By the second or third grade, just about every child can read and write and age no longer remains a formidable factor in determining academic success. Still, if your child is the type to be easily discouraged, struggling in the beginning can have a lasting impact.
Weigh social/emotional factors heavily. While older and younger children tend to even out academically in the early elementary years, it can take much longer for a child to catch up in the social, emotional and physical arenas.
Know the signs of readiness. While every child has his own unique developmental time table, experts say that most will demonstrate the skills and accomplishments listed below and will most likely develop the others during the kindergarten year. Here are some general kindergarten readiness markers adapted from "The Educated Child" by William J. Bennett.
Personality: He exhibits an avid curiosity about his environment and is eager to learn. He is confident in his ability to succeed and independent enough to do certain things for himself (or at least give it the old kindergarten try!)
Social Skills : She doesn't need to be a social debutante, but she should be able to integrate into a group, relate to new children and adults, and adapt to new routines. A willingness to take turns and share is helpful, too.
Motor Skills : In the large motor arena, he should be able to jump, run, hop on one foot, throw, catch and kick (balls, that is, not other kids). On the small motor side, he should handle a crayon or pencil comfortably, and be in the process of developing potty-friendly skills like snapping, unbuttoning, rebuttoning and zipping.
Language Skills : She needn't be capable of giving the Gettysburg address, but she should be able to effectively communicate with adults and other kids.
Attention and Focus : Five and six year olds are jittery by design, but most kindergarteners can listen to a story or participate in a discussion for 10 to 15 minutes. He should also be keen on finishing the majority of projects he starts.
Other Cognitive Skills : From a math and reading readiness standpoint, she should be able to name numbers and count, identify letters and understand letter/sound relationships. Most kindergarten-bound kids can also compare various objects using relative terms ( i.e., bigger, smaller, heavier, lighter, more and less.)
Look out for red-flags. Before I even begin discussing the potential signs of kindergarten "unreadiness", I want to be sure you understand that they should only be considered red flags if they are present en masse and with great frequency. Okay then. Here they are…
A general lack of impulse control and tendency to settle disputes by hitting or biting instead of using words.
Excessive anxiety over separation from parents.
Difficulty sitting still long enough to listen to a short story.
A tendency to jump from one activity to the next, rarely completing tasks.
Developmental delays in a particular area, such as language or gross or fine motor skills.
School Shopping
Once you've decided if your child is going to kindergarten, it's time to decide where your child is going to kindergarten. No pressure here, but selecting an elementary school for your son or daughter is a huge decision! Not only are you entrusting your child's academic, social and emotional well-being to this institution, you're picking a parenting partner for at least the next six years.
It may well be that for your family, tapping that perfect school is a no-brainer. Perhaps you moved into a neighborhood with the specific intent of sending your child to the sweet public elementary school down the street with fabulously high test scores. Or your kid is a fifth generation legacy at an exclusive prep school (his great great grandparents' portraits are hanging in the lobby) and has been enrolled at the school since he was a zygote. Maybe your town or county has a wonderful charter school or magnet program. Or you want to send your child to a Jewish Day School and there's only one in town that fits the bill. If you fall under one of these umbrellas, you should use the upcoming information to confirm that your school of choice is indeed everything you believe and hope it to be. If, however, you are uncertain about where to send your child to kindergarten, it's time to do some school shopping.
School Shopping Step 1:
Assess Your Needs…