Then I need YOU! Educating people about autism and Asperger’s Syndrome is one of my goals in life. Up until this school year, I thought I had done a pretty good job. We met with SmallBoy’s teachers prior to the start of the school year, talked about different things to expect, strategies, what we can do as a whole – working together as a team. The teachers, and a few staff members, had even attended a conference on autism and Asperger’s Syndrome over the summer. We had a really great outlook on this year.
The school year started. SmallBoy was having a fantastic year. His number of meltdowns had decreased tremendously, they were much fewer and much farther between, and he had even improved at managing them himself. He had spent 4 weeks doing intensive learning therapy to help him with the sensory-cognitive skills involved in reading comprehension, and has gained tremendous self-confidence, which helped to bring up his self-esteem. He began the year as a different child.
As soon as he had his first hard time, the teachers freaked. When he had his second one, three months later, they were just at a loss. When I went in for his parent-teacher conference, I was ambushed. I am always strong and hold myself together when talking to teachers and staff about my son, but I was a bundle of mush and tears. The Mama Bear had been wounded. His main teacher told me that SmallBoy was a problem child and difficult to deal with. Thankfully another teacher, who has experience with children on the spectrum and also has experience dealing with “difficult” children after teaching at a very “rough” nearby high school, jumped in to SmallBoy’s defense pointing out that he had only had 2 major meltdowns thus far with three months between. Last school year, these were recurring – weekly, he would need to be removed from the classroom. This year, he was self-managing and doing amazing things. His therapist was praising him, his OT was praising him, everyone we know was praising him for the tremendous gains he has made. Everyone, that is, except for the teacher.
SmallBoy’s therapist went to school and observed for a bit, met with the teachers and gave them the same strategies to use that we told them to use. They did for a bit and then said they didn’t work. Well, OK…He also told them, as did we, that not everything will work ALL the time. Nope. Didn’t listen.
Now they are asking us to have him re-evaluated by the school district to see if he qualifies for services. He was evaluated initially, pre-diagnosis, between pre-school and kindergarten (he’s in 5th grade now), and all they gave him was 30minutes of speech per week for the school year to work on the /th/ sound. Alrighty…he was in kindergarten and had no teeth, of course he couldn’t say /th/.
He is working privately with an occupational therapist who, I might add, used to work for the school district, and with his psychologist (where he uses the aforementioned Wii). He is flourishing. His social skills are improving, his self-management is improving, he is doing better on tests and his grades are amazing.
Last week, SmallBoy’s OT and psychologist (Dr. Wii) met with the school staff without my husband and I present. I asked for it to be held this way hoping that perhaps the teachers would be more open when speaking, and listening. The conversation, apparently, was very productive, and we haven’t had any more issues. It was almost as if the staff listened to the therapists tell them the exact same things we told them and come up with similar plans that we did because we’re “just the parents,” and they have letters after their names signifying that they know what they’re talking about.
Tomorrow we meet with the district and the school staff to determine if he is eligible for an evaluation. I don’t think he needs one at all, but since we’re asking the school to make accommodations for us, we’re going to try to do the same for them.
Perhaps it will create a paper trail if he is denied services, but needs them down the road. Maybe they will be able to make some sort of accommodations for something – allowing him to bring squishy balls and sour gummy candy into class to stay focused. Maybe they’ll finally do an IQ test and he’ll qualify for gifted labels…who knows?
My husband and I are both dreading this meeting, though, because we know that it’s going to turn into SmallBoy bashing by his teacher and, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to keep my cool. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to do that? He really is a great kid, and when the Mama Bear Defense kicks in because someone refuses to understand my child, it really upsets me.
Perhaps I should just go into this with an open mind. Maybe the school district will find something that the teacher can do to make HER feel better about Asperger’s which will, in turn, relax her a bit more when she’s with SmallBoy and allow her to get to know him and not be afraid that he might have a meltdown.
Parents who have dealt with this before, I appeal to you for your wisdom. Any suggestions on keeping cool or, even, for how to state my case would be delightful.
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